Fish Born in ’90

Weeks ago I wrote about wanting to improve myself, to lose weight, become healthier and to achieve all the things I’ve denied myself for so long. Well it took a bit longer as I most recently posted about being uninspired and in a funk, but I can proudly say that I’ve been attending Weight Watchers meetings for three weeks and in two weeks have lost a total of nine pounds.

I have a long way to go yet to reach my five stone weight loss goal but this time it feels different. I feel committed, empowered, motivated and most of all strong enough mentally to keep trying at becoming the best version of me. Not every day is easy, my emotions are a roller-coaster (I know, cliche) considering my home life right now and the stress of completing my Masters but to already feel that difference in my body and in my physical well being is the driving force to overcome these struggles. Not all in life is smooth sailing, there will be no better time than now to begin the adventure we’re bound for.

One dream of mine is to live by the ocean. I was born in the beginning of 1990 which makes me a Pisces girl, my own astrological symbol therefore is two fish swimming. Up until I was seven years old I attended swimming lessons every week and only due to breaking my arm did this force of habit wane. I have always dreamed since of diving back in to the open water, having a go at paddle boarding, surfing, kayaking… you name it, the thought has crossed my mind multiple times.

My ambition in life was to live in a small fishing village by the ocean, to have a secure happy job and to spend my weekends in the sea and have salty wavy mermaid hair. It was something that was probably not going to happen until later in life but if anything these past years have taught me is that the time to achieve is now. There’s no use in waiting when we could be living these dreams now, no matter how big or small.

I became so angry at the world, frustrated and saddened that my family were being put through such awful times, my Father in particular having to struggle for every breath. As each day passed I became furious. Smiling on the outside but raging on the inside at the unfairness of it all. However, I’ve come to realise that anger is normal but to let it control your life is pointless. Emotions shouldn’t be our driving force, they should just be the bookmarks pinpointing the highlights within our life. What’s important is to keep trying at achieving and to create our own sense of happiness in everyday life. Nothing is fair so why get angry about it?

My inspiration has been somewhat lacking in recent months so instead I immersed myself in books and literature to bide the time. The first of Spring landed yesterday and so it marks no better time in the year than to come out of hibernation to keep on going. I’ve been starting to write again, to take pictures, to take walks and to wander round enjoying the pleasant simple things in life instead of hiding away from anyone and everything around me.

There’s a chill in the air but the sun is shining and the sky is blue. There’s no better time in life to live and to love than right now. So, Happy Spring everyone. May the new season bring blessed wishings to us all and provide comfort in times of need. I look forward to posting and hearing from you all more in the coming months!



About katiebagshawe

Writings. Wolfmother.
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