What a difference a week makes. In just seven days it’s gone from an almost unbearable summer sunshine, where swarms of pale fleshed Brits awkwardly trotted around with lobster tinged limbs, to this, torrential downpours that seem to never end with odd flashes and rumbles, snooze inducing rainfall and just general Sleeping Beauty infused nature clashing outside. It may be Midsummer next week, but the past few days has felt like Autumn and September rolling around a bit too early.
Personally, I’m not complaining. Whilst I don’t mind summer vibes, especially when you’re on holiday as I was whereby the diary is clear so you can lounge about and moan about how uncomfortable you are, I always prefer the cooler months of the year. Autumn is my personal favourite. September to December. The bright reds and golds that adorn the streets and forests, the dark smokey bonfire scented evenings, damp pavements as snails slug along the pathways and the sitting in front of the fire reading. Oh, I’m going to fall into a fantasy day dream about Halloween long before now.
September also brings about new beginnings for me, more so than January. A new academic year always filled me with excitement and hope, for new learning, for new friends and for new skills introduced to your world. This week of rainfall is already helping me fill with joy at the prospect of persuing new adventures in September, kicking off with my return visit to Helsinki and then straight (hopefully) into my Masters degree. So much so, I’m already stocking up my Amazon trolley with text books and today have found myself researching application methods and work experience to fill my time over the summer.
It’s amazing when you look back and realise where your life could have taken you if you’d chosen different paths; I work with a lot of school leavers and college students in my current job, and sometimes I’m injected with a nib of envy at the fact they have a clean slate. But at that age, it’s more terror than hope that fills your lungs. Or at least that was the case for me. I had no idea what I wanted, and anything I felt I was interested in was never an obvious career path, only now at 26 have I realised what my passions can lead me too.
And even then, there’s a world of opportunity once you so much as scratch the surface, I know, it’s a cliche, but one textbook today has already introduced several psychology pathways that would heavily interest me for future career prospects. More than anything though, I finally feel somewhat at peace that I’m choosing the route that I finally see a future in. I could easily be anxious and flooded with emotion at yet more decisions within decisions, but I don’t, I feel excitement and relief that my heart is finally in something I know I can do.
I chose my Computing degree because it was what interested me at the time, but I felt like I had no confidence in myself for long term prospects. Now, I see myself working in this career and although it does rely heavily on being accepted to this course, I know I’m willing to give it the time to grow if necessary to show my commitment to the field I want to move into. Maybe an 18 year old should be given time than squandering their degree loan on any subject because they feel the pressure. I know now I could be a homeowner, I could be married, I could be a mother or already five years ahead; but the wait has been worth it.
It’s given me the hunger for what I really want to learn about, it’s given me life experience that’s invaluable to what any useless certificate could have given me if it wasn’t something I wanted and it’s given me the determination. As you grow older you feel more settled, even if somewhat terrified that you haven’t achieved all you feel you should have, you just begin to care less. If you want to spend a few more years living at home, saving money and indulging in learning, then do it because that opportunity won’t easily slop round the corner when you have bills to pay and kids to feed.
So rain, whilst it stops you from jumping around in sandcastles or running through fields, it helps procrastinate. Depending on the balance, your mind needs reassurance, you need to forgive yourself for not having done things sooner, you have to accept what has gone before, be it good or bad so you can move on and you need to fill with hope, for the future. For the September that can start tomorrow, for the learning that never ends and more importantly, for the life you dream of living, it takes time but it tastes so much better when you’ve worked hard for it.
Apologies for the rambling incoherent sentences. Sometimes you just need to expel the thoughts so that they make sense for yourself, even if no one else.