Only two days ago I was having one of those lost in translation moments, like when you stare at a mind puzzle for too long and temporarily go blind to whatever is right in front of your face. No energy, no drive and feeling torn between two worlds. Choosing a comfortable path or choosing a distinctive adventure.
I’m so close to finishing my Undergrad that I can practically taste it. I can count on one hand the assignments that need doing (not including thumbs) and my calendar is now one month away from my final deadline. Then onto Summer, the opportunity to bask in a hopeful heat, earn a bit of cash to top up the funds and make a final decision about my future. The great big ‘What next?’ Next Wed brings my 26th year, nearly into the latter half of the twenties and no doubt I’ll procrastinate and mumble a few cheers, thanks, and thoughts on how it’s all going so far. But for now, another week to sit between two minds and have them debate between the possible options coming my way in September.
The past couple of weeks I have quite literally driven the length of the country, close to 700 miles and next week thankfully brings a week off at getting to lectures. You may think I’m a tad ridiculous for inflicting regular three and a half hour car drives on myself but number one, I quite like my bubble space listening to the Infinite Monkey Cake or the Empire Podcast and number two, being at home with my Pa is just as important as any degree I’m due to receive in the coming months. So as well as torn minds, I’m dealing with a torn heart though surprisingly dealing quite well with it.
On the drive up I stopped off at Fountains Abbey in Ripon for a few hours, a beautiful, overwhelming spiritual place should you ever visit; elegant gardens and lakes to wander around and the most powerful architectural silhouette I’ve seen in a long time. A wander round nature under bright blue skies and clear vibrant sunshine was just what I needed to snap me out of the Tuesday blues and back in to some sense of normalcy.
Now I’m home, the flowers in my room are starting to bloom and so is my mood. I find myself balancing more on the edge of positivity, happiness and fervor for the coming months. It’s funny how you can spend many weeks, months, even years as a zombie with no emotions, merely existing and one distinct change in your life brings about emotional depths and roller coasters. The true test of life I’m learning is to bring about the best of it, put out what you wish to take in and instead of dwelling on failings or victimisation, focus on kindness, love and that you control at the very least how happy you can make your day, despite the cruel world that lies out there. It’s not an easy lesson to learn, but most definitely a valuable one.